Xibalba and La Muerte vs Technology
by Leopardfang of Moonclan
Summary: Humans can't use technology, what makes you think gods are any better?


3. Xibalba and La Muerte playing with modern technology

**La Muerte vs. The Camera**

Mary Beth smiled into the camera. She was supposed to take a photo for staff I.D at the museum. Quickly smoothing any wrinkles in her skirt and putting any stray hair back into place, she pushed the button on the camera and smiled. A moment went by, then another. Five seconds later Mary Beth's smile disappeared, she was now looking dead faced at the camera, mildly annoyed. She realized that the camera was set to record, not take a picture. Now Mary Beth had no picture and a five second video of her smiling like an idiot.

"Stupid technology." She grumbled.

**Xibalba vs. The Microwave**

"La Muerte." Xibalba said. It was Tuesday morning and they were both had both accidentally fallen asleep at the museum and Xibalba had a problem. He stood over his wife with no crown, no gloves and a paper plate with some churros on it.

La Muerte was still asleep, face down on the desk, her long black hair spread all over the desk and all over her face. Normally he wouldn't bother his beautiful wife but this was an issue that had to be immediately addressed.

"Mi amor." Xibalba said. "Why isn't the microwave working, mi corazon?" La Muerte didn't move. "La Muerte." Xibalba said in a whiny voice. "Wake up."

La Muerte groaned. "What?"

"Did you do something to the microwave? It's not working." Xibalba said. He was referring to the microwave in the staff lounge.

"Yes, I broke the buttons you have to use the Popcorn button for everything." La Muerte muttered, her eyes still closed.

"But this isn't popcorn." Xibalba protested.

"The other buttons don't work; you have to use the popcorn one." La Muerte explained.

"But I'm heating up churros." Xibalba said. La Muerte didn't move, it appeared she had gone back to sleep on the desk. "La Muerte!"

"WHAT!?" The goddess snapped.

"What am I supposed to do with these churros?" Xibalba asked.

"Why are you eating churros for breakfast?"

"...I don't know."

"Look, just put them in the microwave and hit the popcorn button." She explained.

"Is that safe for churros?" Xibalba raised an eyebrow.

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Have you tried it?"

"Yes."

"With a churro?"

"Yes."

"When?"

"Yesterday."

"There weren't any churros in the staff fridge yesterday." Xibalba challenged.

"Well I went to the... churro store... and I bought them and I brought them here." La Muerte said. A stupid explanation but she was not completely awake yet.

"There's a churro store?" Xibalba asked.

"Yes it's very good." La Muerte said.

"I'm actually impressed." Xibalba said. At this time in the mortal world, he figured if you could buy armor for your cat online there was probably a store out there entirely dedicated to churros.

"Good." La Muerte sighed, putting her head back down.

"Why did you break the microwave?" Xibalba asked.

"I didn't mean to, I just push the buttons to hard." La Muerte explained.

"Well then why does the popcorn button still work?" Xibalba asked.

"Because I wasn't making popcorn."

"Well neither am I!" Xibalba whined.

"Grr! Xibalba, if you are so worried about it, just put it in the oven!" La Muerte yelled. She would later remember that the staff lounge didn't have an oven but again, she wasn't fully awake yet and was too deep into their ridiculous argument.

"That'll take three years!" Xibalba yelled back, also forgetting the fact that the staff lounge didn't have an oven.

"THEN EAT IT COLD!" La Muerte shrieked. She was not a happy camper this morning, was she? Well then again, their relationship wasn't always hearts and kisses. In fact, arguing about stupid things like this was common.

"Disgusting." Xibalba deadpanned.

Sighing in aggravation La Muerte stood up, took the plate of churros from her husband and marched off.

"Hey!" Xibalba protested, turning around to follow her.

La Muerte marched right into the staff lounge, opened the microwave, put the churros in, pushed the popcorn button and then glared angrily at her husband to the sound of the microwave.

Xibalba glared right back. He was not in his usual bowing like posture, he stood straight backed, wings spread a little as he stared angrily at his wife. He wasn't really a morning person to begin with and he was already irritated, especially after finding out the La Muerte broke the microwave. She was so infuriating, stubborn, and temperamental that it sometimes made him want to claw his own eyes out.

Thirty seconds in and they were still glaring at each other when Xibalba noticed that the marigold on the left side of her head was out of place and barely hanging on. The other marigold was gone, as was her sombrero and stray bits of hair had come free of her ponytail and came around to frame her face. But what really stole Xibalba's attention was that stupid marigold that was almost falling out of her hair. It would either have to be removed or put back into place.

A minuet and a half in and she hadn't made a move to fix that cursed marigold. Deciding to fix the damn flower himself Xibalba took a step forward and grabbed the marigold. La Muerte's eyes narrowed but she made no move to make him stop. Xibalba placed the marigold back in her hair with ease. He did not remove his hand from the side of her head. Tension filled the air as the two gods continued to glare at each other. With an angry growl La Muerte grabbed her husband's beard and pulled him down to her level.

By the time the churros were ready the two gods were having a rather rough make out session on the couch. La Muerte was lying on top of him through all of this. Xibalba pulled away and smirked at his wife.

"You are aware that there isn't an oven in here, right?" Xibalba teased.

La Muerte smirked right back. "You are aware that you could have used magic to heat up the churros, right?"

Xibalba didn't move for a moment. He just laid there with a stupefied expression before scowling in annoyance. "Stupid technology." He then proceeded to pull his giggling wife back in for another kiss. She may be infuriating, stubborn and temperamental but those were simply a few of the many qualities he loved about her.

**Xibalba vs. Computers**

Xibalba was sitting at the front desk at the entrance of the museum, glaring at the worthless scrap of metal and plastic that was the computer. He was supposed to make sure that the museum security cameras were all functioning correctly but since the computer was going so slow, Xibalba was losing his patience.

"I could go to the moon and back in the time it's taken this thing to load." He growled.

But the loading symbol remained, as though it was mocking him. Xibalba grabbed the closest thing next to him, the newspaper he had been reading prior to this, and started hitting the computer.

"Xavier." A blonde intern said nervously. She had always been scared of the old security guard. Even when Mary Beth helped her out, she was still terrified of him. Now, Mary Beth was giving a tour so she was on her own.

Xibalba ignored the intern in favor of insulting the computer. "Work! I hate you! You're worthless!" He snarled.

"I know but I've been trying harder lately." The girl said.

"I was talking to the computer." Xibalba said slowly. "But, amazing self-esteem there, really." He said sarcastically with an annoyed glare on his face.

Sufficiently cowed, the intern scurried away. Turning his attention back to the computer, he hit it again with the newspaper. He was sufficiently enraged when an error page popped up saying 'page 404 not found.'

"I wasn't looking for page 404!" Xibalba roared. "Why have we never fixed or replaced this monstrosity?"

"You know how it is around here." A bored voice drawled. Madeline, a brown haired, brown eyed intern sat at the computer next to him and she was one of the two people he worked with that didn't fear him, the other being his wife. She had her feet propped up, was reading a Harry Potter book and was listening to some metal music. "If it barely works it's not gonna get replaced."

"Well I guess that's why your ass is still being paid." Xibalba said before focusing on the computer, grumbling. "Stupid technology."

**La Muerte vs. Car Radio**

La Muerte parked the car in front of the museum. She was doing a favor for one of the staff members and was listening to the radio while she was doing it. The car had to get repairs and she had volunteered to go get it. Just as she parked the car she heard the radio play a different song.

"Ladies up in here tonight"

"No fighting  
>(We got the refugees up in here)<br>No fighting  
>No fighting<br>Shakira, Shakira"

La Muerte glared at the radio

"I never really knew that she could dance like this  
>She make a man want to speak Spanish<br>Cómo se llama? Bonita, mi casa, su casa  
>(Shakira, Shakira)"<p>

"Oh baby when you talk like that  
>You make a woman go mad<br>So be wise and keep on  
>Reading the signs of my body"<p>

"And I'm on tonight  
>You know my hips don't lie<br>And I'm starting to feel it's right  
>All the attraction, the tension<br>Don't you see baby, this is perfection"

Glaring at the radio La Muerte said, "Is it necessary to play my favorite song when I arrive at my destination?" Of course, the radio didn't say anything back, just kept playing the song. "Stupid technology." She grumbled and started debating if she should head back into the museum or stay in the car for the rest of the song.

**Xibalba and La Muerte vs. Autocorrect**

Xibalba= Balby

La Muerte= Sugar Skull

* * *

><p>Sugar Skull: How was your morning?<p>

Balby: Bad. I choked a goat and pissed in my coffee.

Sugar Skull: What?!

Balby: OH GODS NO! I choked on TOAST and SPILLED my coffee.

* * *

><p>Balby: Is it taco day in the cafeteria?<p>

Sugar Skull: I hop

Sugar Skull: I hopping

Sugar Skull: I home

Sugar Skull: wawa skilltetits

Sugar Skull: I HOPE

Balby: hahahahahahahaha

* * *

><p>Balby:Just got a new high score on Angry Turds!<p>

Sugar Skull: What?

Balby: Angry Birds. Stupid Autocorrect

Sugar Skull: XD

* * *

><p>Balby: I'm hungary<p>

Sugar Skull: Maybe you should czech the staff fridge

Balby: I'm russian to the staff lounge

Sugar Skull: Is there any turkey

Balby: There is some, but it's covered in a layer of greece

Sugar Skull: Eww. There is norway you can eat that

* * *

><p>Sugar Skull: See you at lunch, I love you mi amor.<p>

Balby: I dove you too mi vida

Balby: I meant love, stupid auto-cucumber

Balby: God's donut

Balby: How the duck do I turn this off?

Sugar Skull: I'm crying right now! Hahahaha!

* * *

><p>Sugar Skull: How's your day so far sweet bot?<p>

Sugar Skull: *Heart. How did heart autocorrect to bot?

Balby: SWEET BOT DAILY REPORT: ALL IS AS PLANNED. THE HUMANS SUSPECT NOTHING. PERHAPS I WILL CHANGE MY OIL IN THE EVENING.

* * *

><p>Balby: I broke my penis and it exploded all over my pants.<p>

Balby: Son of a bitch... my pen... I broke my pen.

Sugar Skull: Hahahahahaha! Oh my gods! This made my week! Hahaha!

Balby: Not funny...

Sugar Skull: I'm crying and laughing like a maniac in front of my group and they're looking at me like I'm a psychopath!

Balby: I give up. I'll talk to you after work.

* * *

><p>Balby: What are you having for lunch?<p>

Sugar Skull: Children salad.

Sugar Skull: Not true.

Sugar Skull: Chicken Salad

Balby: XD

* * *

><p>Balby: Hey can you get some pregnant for me?<p>

Sugar Skull: What?

Balby: Damn auto-erect! Pringles, the potato chips. Not pregnant.

Balby: AND I MEANT AUTOCORRECT!

Sugar Skull: I'm dying!

* * *

><p>DISCLAIMER! I only own Madeline, who is me. Everything belongs to its rightful owner.<p> 


End file.
